Sunday, October 28, 2007

Being needed

Funny how your perspective changes over time. 

22yrs ago when you wanted to go to medical school it was kind of expected that you would show interest and willing by engaging in some medical related activities. So after spending weekends and summers working as a care assistant with handicapped kids, I washed up on the shores of a tiny district general hospital in Greenock. 

(I can't believe it 20yrs! - sounds like the days of sulpha drugs and tincture of gentian violet of course it wasn't, anyway I digress...)

In these days - with a bit of training - they would let you take blood, perform blood pressures and "clerk a patient" in to the ward.
Anyway, one day the registrar of the particular "firm" I was allocated to actually gave me own "pager" so the more junior staff could get a hold of me to see interesting cases (but also save them all a bit of work!) 
This was big big thing in my life at the time - I was 18 and here I was being part of the process of saving lives - I had my own "pager"and this meant I was needed! The hospital at night, the drama of cardiac arrests, the white coats running down bright corridors it all felt so very exciting and dramatic.

What on earth was I thinking...

Trudging out to the 15th call out of the night tonight, I found myself yearning after that feeling again, wishing for the enthusiasm  and wonder to make it all worthwhile - money is nice but it's nothing compared to that feeling you get when you're not tired and not stressed and not responsible for every minute detail of every interaction you get involved with. 

In other words:when you're young and you literally "know-not-what-you-do". You want to do it all the time!
Why is it when you "do-know-what-you-do" you want to do it less?


God Bless,


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